Saturday, December 11th, 2010
By Mona Eltahawy
Dec. 10, 2010
I’m a Muslim. I’m a feminist. And I’m here to confuse you,” I told attendees at the TEDWomen conference, where I was a speaker, in Washington this week.
The conversation on Muslim women usually revolves around our head scarves and our hymens — what’s on our heads (or not), what’s between our legs, and the price we pay for it.
For kick-ass feminist icons, I have a long history to choose from.
In the 7th century, there’s Khadijah, Prophet Muhammad’s first wife. She was a rich divorcee who owned her own business, who was his boss, who was 15 years older than him and who proposed to him.
My fondness for younger men clearly has a precedent.
But the first wave of feminism for many Muslim women started at a Cairo train station in 1923 where Hoda Shaarawi removed her face veil, which, long before anyone was burning their bras, she described as a thing of the past. She must be turning in her grave as some today try to justify covering women’s faces.
My paternal grandmother was a teacher, a furious smoker, a fast walker and an adamant supporter of a soccer club hated by most of her children
My maternal grandmother — whose sexually racy jokes would outrage her children — was pregnant 14 times. Eleven of those children survived.
My mother — the eldest of those children and the first woman in her family to get a PhD — has three children.
I am the eldest of the three and I’ve chosen not to have any children. My mother had her youngest when she was 42. My sister is now herself working on a PhD and is longing for a baby.
I was born in Egypt, where I belonged to the Sunni Muslim majority. When I was 7, we moved to London, where I learned to become a minority and learned too how little was expected of Muslim women, Teachers assumed my dad’s work brought us to London and were shocked to hear Muslim wives didn’t take the husband’s name.
We moved to Saudi Arabia when I was 15 and I fell into a deep depression as I struggled to find a place among very different Islams.
At home, I was taught an Islam by parents who were equals and who were raising my brother and me to be equals. Outside our new home was an Islam that treated women like the walking embodiment of sin. I was done with Muslim men.
I chose to wear a head scarf and became a feminist (the two weren’t mutually exclusive) after I discovered essays by Muslim women scholars who taught me women could reinterpret religion. They terrified the hell out of me.
When I returned to Egypt at 21, I learned Muslim men were not the enemy after all, as progressive, liberal Muslim women and men helped me define my own place in Islam.
My headscarves-and-hymens moment came when I took off my head scarf — it no longer represented the Muslim woman I was becoming — and I became increasingly obsessed with female genital mutilation after I learned how many members of my extended family had been subjected to it.
Both Muslims and Christians practise genital cutting in Egypt. It’s not about religion. It’s about hymens — and that’s about controlling women’s sexuality.
I moved to Israel, where I was the first Egyptian to live and work there for a western news agency. I became a liberal Muslim because my ultra-Orthodox Jewish neighbours reminded me of ultra-orthodox Muslim Saudis. Orthodoxy serves men much more than it does women.
I moved to the U.S. 10 years ago after marrying an American, but when we divorced two years later I got into my car and spent 18 days driving alone to New York City. It was my American pilgrimage. My reward was a community of like-minded Muslims together with whom I prayed behind Amina Wadud, an American Muslim scholar, in the first public female-led mixed-gender Friday prayer. Without a head scarf and on my period, I prayed next to a man — sacrilege to many but a delight to me.
I belong to Musawah — the global movement for equality and justice in the Muslim family. A young British Muslim woman told me at the launch in Malaysia last year that if she had to choose between Islam and feminism, Islam would win. A young Egyptian Muslim woman told me if she had to choose between Islam and feminism, feminism would win.
For my sister-in-law, it is about head scarves and hymens. She wears a head scarf and she’s a gynecologist. For the past five years she was the only woman ob/gyn doctor in a tiny Ohio town.
She was the true “jihadi” — every time her patients heard Fox News talk about Moozlums and “them Ayrabs” she was there as the antidote.
This summer I confused people outside the Islamic Community Centre near Ground Zero known as Park51. When a bigoted couple came to insult and provoke us, I gave them the middle finger. I mustered patience with others. But when Bill Keller, a right-wing televangelist came to shed crocodile tears over Muslim women it was clear he was boosting his ego, not my rights.
I’m no fool. I know that terrible violations of women’s rights are committed in the name of my faith. But Islam belongs to me too.
I’m in a boxing ring. On one side is Bill Keller’s right wing: bigoted and xenophobic. On the other side is the Muslim right wing, which uses Islam against me to fuel its misogyny.
I’m a bumble bee who carries ideas — pollen — from one place to another in the hope that they will blossom into a wild and challenging orchard. The pollen might be sweet, but I “sting like a bee” because like the great Muhammad Ali, I will not hesitate to knock you out.
Confusion is both my right and left hook.
Comments (23)
Brownie said:
I don’t see the relation of being muslim female and being obsessed, sometimes i just want to tell ppl who thought that i am obsessed that i have all the rights u have and may be more, and the fact that i chose not to wear a bikini does not make me obsessed.
I just live my life within certain rules, we all do.
I agree on everything u said except for Amina Wadud part, here is the extreme
December 11th, 2010, 4:40 pm
Drew said:
(Here via Twitter.)
Contradictions are what make the world interesting. Thank you for illustrating that point.
December 11th, 2010, 4:58 pm
Asim Miah said:
I think that’s a superb article. It would be wonderful if Ms Eltahawy could reach the people of authority in countries like Saudi Arabia and Egypt. The feminist ideals of Islam need greater propagation.
December 11th, 2010, 7:17 pm
Kirk said:
Instead of telling Americans and Westerners that we are a bunch of bigots who “misunderstand” islam when you and your fellow muslims have equal rights with non-muslims in the USA and most Western countries how about you try actively (as oppossed to passively) promoting equal rights for non-muslims in majority muslim counties.
If muslims don’t like being perceived as supremists and terrorists then they shouldn’t condemn Westerners for viewing them that way they should condemn the islamic supremists who so actively persecute non-muslims and then maybe that perceptions of muslims might begin to change. Giving equal rights to non-muslims in majority muslim countries, both on paper and in practice, is what muslims need to do to change how they are perceived.
Confused?
December 12th, 2010, 3:54 am
ali said:
im all for muslim women standing up and demanding their rights granted by god under islam. too many muslim men manipulate their wives and daughters by keeping them ignorant about the religion itself. they only enlighten her to the facets that say men are in charge, men are to be obeyed etc. however, true in practically all aspects of the religion, islam teaches us to take the middle road. one hadith may say that if god were to command a human being to bow down (thus worshipping or taking as a god) to another, it would be the wife to the husband. on the other hand, the prophet’s last sermon states that the best amongst men are those that are kind (loving, caring, patient) to their wives.
many would agree that these two hadiths are on the opposite spectrum. i think that if we as muslim men and women learn to grant each other the islamic rights given to us from the start, for simply being a muslim man or woman, then the two poles can converge in the middle and we thus have the equality that islam came to deliver. by not being too strict or too lenient, we learn to compromise and put pride away and treat each other with the dignity and respect they deserve.
thoughts?
December 12th, 2010, 4:26 am
Samuel C. said:
Remember “Our Doctor” at Tel Hashomer Hospital 2 years ago.
This weekend they showed how a 19 Year Girl from Haiti with both amputated legs, was brought back to Life.
I liked your above article very much, Mona.
I meet so many Narrow Minded People who all they are interested is their little Bubble, And Ignore what is going on the Other side of the Street.
You are truly Cosmopolitan.
Thanks Mona.
December 12th, 2010, 3:26 pm
Raid said:
Mona,
I may agree or disagree with you, but as a man who’s your age and finds you very interesting (and hot), I am really upset with what I read in paragraph #5
December 13th, 2010, 9:24 pm
5 dancing shlomos said:
would aisha be considered a true individual. i wont use the term feminist.
December 14th, 2010, 12:14 pm
Serenity said:
Thank you so much for writing this, Mona!
For those who think this is extreme, “extreme” is a relative and subjective term. For a Muslim who’s been told all her/his life that women are forbidden from leading prayers or praying behind women imaams, of course this would be extreme. For those who see women as full humans, of equal worth and value as men, of course it’s not extreme; it’s even expected and appreciated.
Thank you for speaking up for those of us who are too cowardly to do so (at least yet!), Mona! God bless you and give you more courage and strength!
December 14th, 2010, 11:09 pm
Miti said:
Just thought I’d leave this here:
http://www.snopes.com/history/american/burnbra.asp
Good article. For me, the contradictions bring to light the duality of organized religion, both healing and oppressive. How do you transform an system like that? Should you?
December 15th, 2010, 10:46 am
Kelly said:
“Without a head scarf and on my period, I prayed next to a man — sacrilege to many but a delight to me.”
I, too, had this experience and it was one of the most enlightening religious experiences for me to date.
December 15th, 2010, 3:29 pm
Mona Eltahawy said:
Thank you all for taking the time to leave comments. Much appreciated.
Serenity – I would never use the word “cowardly” to describe you or anyone else and how comfortable they are in speaking our or how they choose to speak out. We all learn to figure out for ourselves when and how we best utilize our voice and our message.
I’m 43 years old. It took me a while and I changed and fine tuned the message several times along the way and I’m sure it will continue to evolve.
I wish us all luck! And strength with our voice.
December 19th, 2010, 11:22 pm
tehmasp said:
Yes! Either I’m drunk or that was a ‘kick-ass’ post. I loved it Mona. See you soon –
Tehmasp
December 21st, 2010, 11:43 pm
PSP: Praying Salah during Period « Metis' Blog on Muslim Feminists said:
[...] is how Mona Eltahawy describes her “delightful” experience of being Muslim which many would call feministic and [...]
January 20th, 2011, 2:31 pm
Nemokrati said:
Interesting posting. There are so many similarities in what you tell about yourself claiming “Islam belongs to me too.” In Sweden we still have priests and clergymen and “brotherhoods” in the form of an association of free deaneries that do not aggree to the ordination of women and it was a very long strife before women were allowed to become priests in the Swedish church, 1960 the first three women were ordained. Currently we have back-lash that is outspoken on the Internet and indirect in politics, with economic and political ‘gender neutral’ decisions that still push women back to the kitchen sink.
January 31st, 2011, 7:31 pm
Hideous said:
“My fondness for younger men clearly has a precedent.”
Go Go Tigress (don’t know how to imitate tiger sounds)
February 15th, 2011, 8:25 am
Schnellinger said:
Very good article from a smart muslim feminist, Mona.
Hats off for the way that you’ve gone. Walk on!
But what astonished me most is the genital cutting thing by Christians in Egypt. Genital cutting, as you might know, is always a top “argument” against Muslims from islamophobic rightwingers here in Europe. Needless to explain them that it’s not a thing of Islam but a thing of patriarchal abuse of power, doesn’t fit in common prejudices.
Can you point me to any any sources to proof that the christians also practising genital cutting? Would love to confront those often foregrounded christian hatemongers with this.
March 3rd, 2011, 10:55 pm
Sakinah said:
May Allah guide you Mona to the straight path. We are accountable for our actions before Allah. All of our actions the things we do and not do, but when you “preach” and tell Muslims and non-Muslims things about Islam that are not true. You will be accountable on the Day of Judgement for all of the things that they do or not do that is not in accordance with Islam. You should be very careful about what you say. It seems like the way you practice Islam, you want everyone else to do the same. Shame on you….May you ask Allah for forgiveness before the Day of Judgement…Ameen
April 12th, 2011, 1:25 am
Leila said:
“A young Egyptian Muslim woman told me if she had to choose between Islam and feminism, feminism would win.”
Uh, I am a feminist Muslim. It’s possible. It seems like you are using the dysfunctional Arab society to be able to justify your not wanting to be a Muslim and since you’re only giving one side to the sorry, everyone has no choice but to agree with you. When I’m sure you and I know that everything tradition teaches us isn’t what Islam is actually about. I say this because I don’t wear hijab either. I am a teenage girl from the US, dropped off to live in 3rd world south Lebanon to abide by society rules. I am nearly 19 years old, unmarried and I am still happily Muslim. Even though I was disgusted by the Muslim people here, I still read the Qur’an with an open mind and I liked it. I let Islam speak to me, no Muslims. So I live it my way how I interpret it. And I leave others to interpret and live it their way. I wouldn’t dare call anyone a “right wing extremist Muslim” simply for disagreeing with my views. The only way you can intrude into their lifestyles is if they ask for your help and no one is asking for your help. And you know what, if they are asking you…speak of them individually because suddenly you have become the spokesperson for everything and you’re giving us Muslim feminists a bad name, frankly. Personally, I think you feed of controversy.
You act as though these things are just black and white. It’s either a woman is really, really oppressed or she’s a liberal. There is no in between. Well, Mona, I am the in between. We exist. There are some of us that make our own decisions and some of us that understand some women CHOOSE to wear niqab and the burqa. Plus you are contradicting yourself if you claim to be for human rights yet advocate a ban telling people what they cannot wear.
Perhaps you’ll find the teaching of Sayyed Mohammed Hussein Fadl’Allah more to your liking. For me, that man was a Muslim feminist and truly understood what feminine rights were.
April 14th, 2011, 3:15 am
MuslimRevert said:
From the sounds of things you define yourself and your self image on being ‘different’ but in reality your not really differnt more confused. You havent confused anyone with this piece as anyone could right about what choices they have made which shock or suprise others – this is actually quite normal.
You have to understand that every individuals life experiences shape the person that they become as an adult, the choices that they take and the paths they choose to follow. You may have choosen to make some choices which seem outlandish in your world but to many you are just a confused women trying to mediate between being a muslim and conforming to the west – it seems that your muslim identity is only useful when its used to get some propaganda, only when its used to shock – and you should know whether you call yourself a feminist or a liberal, in the eyes of the americans you are still a muslim – and to them a self hating one at that.
I am a 19 year old woman who has choosen islam and to wear the niqab of my own accord – my father is indifferent to whether i wear a miniskirt or a veil because he as an educated man supports the right to choose, the right to be free, by brother would much rather i try and fit in with my choice of clothing. To those around me in the western free world I was raised in see my choices as outlandish – but because i believe in and submitt to islam im more concerned with my relationship with Allah than merely using islam to be different, or abandoning it to fit it. I truly pity you, I find it very sad that you use islam simply as a tool for your own attempt at a sucess.
Islam gives me all the rights I need, and when you truly believe in Allah and that he is just and his religion is perfect this is easy to see. The Niqaab does not oppress me, or subjegate me to any man rather i have never felt more liberated that I do today. The niqaab does not make me worthless, i stil have a mind, thoughts and valid opinions – I am stll in education and have many goals and dreams I wish to fulfil, and let me tell you that by the looks I recieve I am certainly not invisable
Even as a feminist you have failed, because true feminists believe in a womens right to choose what ever she wishes – you have made it clear you support a world wide ban on the niqaab – whether i wear it out of religious drive, cultural practice or a mere desire to do so, its my progative as a free sane adult woman to choose what i wear and you as a so called feminist should accept that.
I make dua that Allah gives you the ability to be confident enough to be true to yourself and more importantly true to him. InshaaAllah one day you are enlightened and realize the err of your ways.
Alhamdulilah and that is sufficient.
April 14th, 2011, 12:12 pm
Anti-dote said:
Mona, why do you rail so much against sharia, instead of how it is being practiced in some places ?
If you truly dislike Allah’s laws, how come you call yourself a Muslim ?
I find it astonishing that you prayed next to a man in your period, there are many problems with that line including that you are commanded in the scriptures not to pray or even read Quran while you are in your periods.. i take it as a lack of knowledge about your own religion, there are rules and regulations on how to worship, if you do not follow them, then associating yourself with islam would become difficult.
I hope you are not becoming another Asra Nomani who wanted to tear pages off from Quran and yet call herself a muslim.
I advice to spend more time of your life to learn about Islam to understand its beauty, may be you could one day be an advocate for islam.
April 17th, 2011, 11:29 am
Amanda said:
Great piece! I can’t believe the number of commenters who are trying to tell you what to do, what to think, or that you’re wrong. This is Mona’s experience and her thoughts, you guys. They are legitimate and how dare you try to say that they aren’t. She isn’t asking for your advice or judgment.
December 29th, 2011, 1:38 pm
Tom said:
Salam Alaykum! YES!!! Sister, this article spoke to what has been a personal jihad for me. thank you! May Allah bless you for keepin it real.
January 10th, 2012, 10:06 pm
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