Stay in America. There is nothing to be gained by going back to suffer under a repressive regime. Under conditions where the regime controls the rules of the game, there is simply no way to win. Wait until it collapses, then take your vital skills in (accompanied by competent men with AK47s to restore order) and carve out a new society devoid of ridiculous failed socialist doctrine, religious oligarchies, and other forms of repression.

It won’t be easy. It will, however, be worth the sacrifice.

Hi Mona,
I lived for 10 years in the West before deciding to return back to the Middle East (Lebanon and Jordan).

I totally understand what you are going through. It took me years of agony before finally deciding to take the leap a few months ago. I just got tired of the “never-ending conversation” and nagging and wondering. I got tired of having to take appointments to see friends. I got tired of not feeling familiar in my surroundings. Of the meaninglessness of it. The repressive regime of American racism and frighteningly high capitalism and the current administration.

Ghorbeh can be exhausting if you’re not very heavily invested and convinced of it’s worth. I have some Arab friends who are quite happy though.

I’m glad I did jump. I love the pace of life here, I love the easy, warm social life, the familiarity and the food. That being said, I have a great group of friends and we live in our own bubble. My homesickness is gone and I feel great, ready to start a new life. I feel quite free despite all the bullshit politics. In America, I felt like a slave to the system. You’re never allowed to be out of it. And you’re supposed to feel “free.”

Is there any way for you to come for a few months and check it out? It’s always different when you see it from the outside. As a journalist, as a human, what is important for you? Can you get it back home? Are you happy in America?

Best,
Amahl

Amahl, I gotta ask. Are you a woman? Might have a different tune if you were. In any case, tell me that there is no racism in Saudi Arabia. Tell me that there is no repression.

Pace of life in large cities like, for example, New York City, is quite different than it is away from those rabbit warrens. If you ever come back, go visit some small town in central Wisconsin or Nebraska. You’d have less trouble fitting in there than a Westerner does in the Magic Kingdom. You’d also find that after a while, the pace of life is much like it is in Saudi Arabia… people show up for an appointment when they damn well please, if they show up at all.

In America, you really are free, or as free as a human being can be. You are generally free, for example, to leave whenever you wish… something most people in the Middle East region cannot say. You are also free to call George Bush a warmongering piece of camel dung if you wish. Somehow, I suspect I would be less free to say that about any member of the Saudi aristocracy. Shall we even mention the religious police?

Now I can understand homesickness. I lived in the Middle East for six months. I lived in Germany for a year and a half. I learned to speak German, a little Kurdish and a little Arabic, but I got to miss McDonalds, libraries with books in English, and bacon & eggs.

You were obviously unhappy here, but instead of grumbling about it, you did something about it, you went home. In my view, that’s better than trying to form your own little ethnic enclave here in the US like many other immigrant groups do these days.

Mona, perhaps the question isn’t which country to live in, but which city. You yourself noted the differences between Seattle and New York. If you move back to Egypt, will it be to Cairo or Alexandria or someplace else?

Dale, Amahl and Solomon

Thank you all for your comments and my apologies for answering you all at once rather than individually – things are getting a bit busy!

I’m lucky in that my work gives me the chance to travel back and forth between New York and Cairo. For example, in 2005, I moved back to Cairo for four months to cover the presidential and parliamentary elections but also to march in the street protests against the Mubarak regime. Those protests were actually the inspiration for my return.

So in that sense, Amahl, I get to experience the spontaneity and the closeness you mention. As soon as I land in Cairo, I send an sms to friends and we’re usually out to dinner that same night!

But Dale, because I saw how brutal and repressive the regime was to so many of its opponents I also realised that I could do more to help those brave souls by staying in New York and writing and speaking out as much as I could. I’m a writer, not an activist or a politician, so I can do my job here as well.

It’s important to stay in touch with what’s happening though which is why it’s vital for me to return as often as possible.

And the return usually is to Cairo, Solomon. Although my last trip also involved a few days in Alexandria to moderate a panel on blogging.

I got an incredible opportunity to connect my worlds last year when the Gerhart Center at AUC, along with the Center for Electronic Journalism, invited me to give a course on civic journalism. I spent a wonderful four days training and learning from the great Egyptian journalists who signed up for the course.

It is a dilemma, but do you believe in progress in the middle east?

Moey

I absolutely believe in progress in the Middle East. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t bother going back and forth.

The problem is the things you face when you try to achieve any progress, obstacles…

I’m starting to loose my faith…

I understand, Moey. That’s why I mentioned those who do return and are so frustrated that they leave again.

Some trips to Cairo are wonderful and I feel I achieve a lot. Othertimes, it’s incredibly frustrating and I’m itching to leave!

I try to focus on the things where I do see change, to get inspiration and to feed my optimism. The mega level – politics and the regime – is obviously stagnant and the enthusiasm and excitement of 2005 have lessened.

But on other levels – e.g. blogging, the internet, NGOs and stories I hear about more and more Egyptians launching their own NGOs or volunteering – give me hope.

Hang in there!

Both scenarios have benefits and also pose difficulties. For myself, I always miss Egypt and long to return to things I am familiar with, the more relaxed pace of life, closer family connections etc but I also recognise that I would not be so free as I am here in the UK, everytime I return to Egypt I get frustrated with the crowds, the dirt, the corruption and I hate being constricted in my movement as a woman.
I guess at the end of the day the ideal is to have something like you have, where you can move between the two with relative regularity.

Thanks for sharing your experience, Amira.

I know exactly what you mean and I think it’s what Dale above also.

I am of course much freer here in NYC than I would be living in Cairo. I once came across a story about Lebanese expats who return to Lebanon and the reporter found that it was men who returned more often exactly because what you mention.

An Egyptian friend who lives and works in London wrote to tell me that my essay touched a chord because he was particularly homesick for Cairo right now. When we last met in Cairo earlier this year, we both complained about how it drives us crazy sometimes!

I told him, I totally understood – such a wierd, loving, suffocating grip that Cairo has on us. I’m reading Max Rodenbeck’s book on Cairo and find myself smiling, nodding, frowning and a whole bunch of other facial tics – people on the subway must think I’m mad!

Hi Mona
I just came to your blog and this post caught my eye. Very good post by the way. I often think about this question of returning back to Egypt or staying in Switzerland. The two countries are not that far from each other but the culture and way of life is above measures.
I miss Egypt when I am not there … the family, the language, the family atmosphere, the food, … etc. But once there, and after a couple of weeks I want to return to Switzerland … the organized life, the easy way of living, the punctuality and reliability of the people … etc. When I left Egypt, it was ages ago and it is not the same Egypt as I left then. The dealings with people is different, the language is also changing, the goodness of the people is not as it used to be.
In the long run I believe a half here, half there solution would be workable.

Hello Noblese

Thanks for your comment.

I’m really grateful for everyone’s story.

I was in Cairo in January for two and a half weeks and was supposed to return again in February but the trip was cancelled and I miss the city a lot.

I just came back from a screening of Tahani Rached’s “El Banat Dol”, a documentary about streetgirls in Cairo. That’s another phenomenon that’s unfortunately been on the rise lately – the number of street children.

God, you actually are questioning over moving (back?) to Egypt or staying in the US?

Sorry, but.. that’s insane. (Sorry, couldn’t hold that back)

I’d do anything to move to the States. Anything at all.

If I may, how’d you get to move to the US, anyway?